Sex Stories

Twas the night before Christmas, and boy was it neat.
The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat.
The doors were all bolted, the phone off the hook,
It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.
Momma in her teddy and I in the nude,
Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the […]

As they circled, the battle-fever rose up in Worf like a heady drug
boiling in his blood. Each was assessing the other, the stance, the
movement, the minute shifts of weight which were the feints of
truly excellent fighters. Suddenly they rushed together, an
inevitable, elemental contact. Gharghtajmey rang on yoDtajmey, yin
into yang, as woman and Klingon strove, then […]

The time passed swiftly on Worf’s duty shift. It seemed only
moments since his unusual encounter with the ice-woman —
Lieutenant Marika — and now he was going off-duty. He turned over
the Security office to his relief, then on a whim queried the
computer about the Helsinkinen woman. The public record held little
of interest, except that it showed […]

“I haven’t refused you anything. You have had my full attention
since you stepped into this room,” she answered him at last. She
had a full, throaty contralto, very much like that of the Ship’s
Counsellor, but unlike Deanna Troi, her accents were more fluid and
almost songlike. Looking at her made even Worf, with his Klingon
standards of beauty, […]

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Doctor, “What seems to be the problem?” Patient, “Doc, I’ve got a lot of gas. I mean I fart all the time,” The Doctor nods, “Hmm.” Patient, “My farts do not stink and you can’t hear them. It’s just that I fart all the time. Look, we’ve been talking here for about 10 minutes and […]

I have been thinking much about Dianne lately. You see, she is a very
beautiful single woman, very open sexually, and very caring for others (it is
difficult for a man, and some women, to resist such a combination). I met her
several months ago — […]

Twas the night before Christmas, and boy was it neat.
The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat.
The doors were all bolted, the phone off the hook,
It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.
Momma in her teddy and I in the nude,
Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the […]

Alice was seated before her new computer, deep in creative thought, when her
husband came crashing through the front door of their modest home.
“ALIIIICE, I’M HOOOOOME! HOW ‘BOUT SOME DINNER??!!”
Fucking asshole, thought Alice. Her train of thought was derailed just as she
had reached a crucial plot point in her novel. Damn him!! […]

Q: What’s the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky’s mouth?
A: 1 U.S. leader
Q: What do you call a virgin on a waterbed?
A: A cherry float.
Q: What did the sign on the door of the whorehouse say?
A: Beat it - we’re closed.
Q: Why do walruses go to Tupperware parties?
A: To find a tight seal.
Q: What’s the difference […]

Ann was stunned as she hung up the phone. She’d known John had been going
to the Centre’s clinic about his headaches and stomach problems, but didn’t
know he’d been seeing a lady shrink.
He’d mentioned he’d seen the psychologist who’d given him some relaxation
and meditation exercises to follow, and they had seemed to help. But he’d
never mentioned […]

She hit the space bar a few times and the Reavers’ computer started to
output its tremendous date file. “They have been very thorough”, Elizabeth
thought, as details of her childhood scrolled past. Another monitor showed
digitized photos of times and places she’d forgotten a long time ago. “Now
where did they get those?” she wondered, whispering it aloud.
She […]

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A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to see a gynecologist. The doctor takes one good look at this woman and his professionalism is a thing of the past. Right away he tells her to undress. After she has disrobed he begins to stroke her thigh. As he does he says to the woman: “Do you know […]

A radio station routinely paid money for people to tell their most embarrassing stories. Here was one of the winners: I was due later that week for an appointment with the gynecologists when early one morning I received a call from his office: I had been rescheduled for early that morning at 9:30am. I had […]